we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize