I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
