you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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