I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize