I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
