u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
