have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
