its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
