i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
