i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
