No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
