Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
