I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
