That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
