His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
