How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
