I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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