I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize