i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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