She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
