I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
