Im at strip club and am horny
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
