i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
