Do you still have your period?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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