I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
