remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
