I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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