Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
