for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
