I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
