so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
