She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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