i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
