Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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