Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
