Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
