K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
