somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The uberlube is also flammable
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You don't make any sense
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