Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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