What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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