Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize