I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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