its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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