If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
