So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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