just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
