she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
