so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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