So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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