i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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