Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
