i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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