I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
