I'm going to jail i love you
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
