I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
