NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
