I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
