Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
