I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
