How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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