im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
