Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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