Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
