The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
