I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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